Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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