I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize