Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
