Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he puts the penis in happiness.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
