Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
