Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
