i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
