i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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