So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
