we have officially lost it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
