What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
