you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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