it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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