i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
