Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
