And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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