In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize