Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize