My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
