i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
