Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
