her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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