Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so explain again why im purple
no
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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