You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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