He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize