There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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