after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
