I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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