Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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