I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
