We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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