Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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