Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
