You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
