You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
