Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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