Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
