I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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