I seem to have left my pride at pride
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
