Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
