Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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