i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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