and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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