I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
