Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
