We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
