Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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