I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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