I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
