airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
FUCK WHALES
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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