She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
