can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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