I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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