it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
