OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
do herpes really smell.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize