She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
