i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
