Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
