We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
40s are totally the cure
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
