I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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