can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
