ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
