I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
