he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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