it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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