Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
A+ Viking dick
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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