The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize