I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
