Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
