I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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