Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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