His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
