I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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