whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He kissed a someone with a penis
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
