cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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