How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
