even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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