But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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