Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
