The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
