Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize