On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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