so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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