everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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