your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
ok first of all what the fuck
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize