I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
