I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
