can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
