So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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