Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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