woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
