sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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