he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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