i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
